Oh my! I just wrote a long letter to you about missing you at Christmas and then it was all lost because I wasn't logged in! I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas Malc and to let you know just how much I miss you, and especially today. Remember when we were kids at Xmas, waking up to pillow cases filled with little bits and bobs, chocolates and satsumas. I remember those Walkie Talkies we got one year. The we'd watch morning telly in our pajamas before getting dressed later to run up to Nan's house for more presents. I remember snow on some christmases, building snowmen and snowball fights. Remember those awful dufflecoats we had and mittens on a string? And wellington boots! Those were the days ey. Then we'd have the best roast dinners that Nan made...oh my, I miss them! I miss you so much Malc, my heart has a permanent ache, it's like it's bruised and just won't mend. I try not to cry as you've seen but on days like this I just can't help it and I am again typing through tears. It just hurts so much. It should have been me to go, not you. You deserve to be here more than I do. I called Mother the other day but she wouldn't speak to me. Speaking via 'F' she said I would cause aggro. I'm not sure what aggro I could cause really, I just wanted to see if she was still at that address and wish her a nice christmas. I bought her a present but I have no money to send it til the 30th. I would hope she likes it but I fear she would give it away to someone else. I do miss her. For whatever reason, she stopped speaking to me the day you moved into hers for a while, we'd been chatting for four years before that. I even spent two christmases with her. Once on my own I went there for dinner and one Christmas with you there too. We had our first christmas all together for the first time since I was most probably 15 or 16! No matter how much she pushes me away, I still have a part of me that's empty because she doesn't want to know me. She's always been a bit of the puzzle that's missing. I was so happy when she was in my life. But you know all this and I know you're sad too. Watch over her for me too ey, I still love her no matter what. I have to post this now before the hour is up so it's posted on Xmas day, I love you so much and miss you too, Always your loving sis, Neek ~xXx~